| Some Gave All |
[May. 29th, 2006|06:44 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Houston, TX | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  grateful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Richard Rogers' "Victory At Sea" Symphony | ] |
“On my honor, I will do my best
To do my duty to God and my country”
from the Boy Scout Oath
“Love your country and live with pride
And don't forget those who died…
All gave some and some gave all
And some stood through for the red, white and blue
And some had to fall…
Think of all your liberties and recall
Some gave all”
Billy Ray Cyrus, from the song “Some Gave All.”
It’s Memorial Day. Time for family and barbecues. Time for sales, and cheap political opportunism. Time for a day off of work. Time to get in your car and drive to a get-together. I guess it’s time to be American, in any guise that may take.
I have many thoughts this day, about what it means to be an American. About the freedoms that we profess to love, but in practice give away with no remorse or acknowledgement. About the greatness we’ve achieved on the work of previous generations, and whether we’re willing to continue that. About the tragedy of war, and how truly horrible a thing it is. I am not a pacifist; war is sometimes necessary. But it should always, always, always be a last resort.
I have become a huge fan of the ever-controversial “Vox Day,” but I want to point out his latest column - http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=50415 – which flatly asserts the need for a new political party. I’ve been saying this for years, even as I wonder whether we’ll ever be allowed to see one succeed.
Yeah, I’ve been thinking about America. And I hope that you do, too, in the midst of your busy weekend.
But in the midst of all this, take time to think about what Memorial Day is really about. Remembering.
Remember those who gave their lives for us.
Remember those sons and daughters who never came home.
Remember those fathers and mothers who never got to watch their children grow up.
Remember every sacrifice made in the name of freedom, freedom that we’re throwing away.
Remember those who were never whole again in either body or spirit, because of what they lost.
Remember every dream that never came true, every life cut short – for you and me!
Remember that some gave all.
Remember. |
|
|
| a quick addendum |
[May. 24th, 2006|03:15 am] |
To those who read my last blog, and thought I was depressed; my apologies. In re-reading it, I can definitely see how you would get that impression.
I'm far from depressed, in fact, life is great. I'm a little bummed out that I'm in the twilight of my 20s, but other than that, things are great.
Also, I've had a lot of positive comments given to me about the previous column ("We're different - still"), mostly from women. However, there were a few people that took a great deal of offense to it, and said I was sexist. When I asked for specifics, I got no reply; they just said the "general tone" was, even if I didn't say anything they could point to. A friend (male) said that it doesn't matter what the truth is, the perception was that it was sexist. All I can do to respond to that is quote Theodore Beale:
"I merely write what I think. Given what people find persuasive, I see no point in spending any effort in trying to persuade anyone. If you can't get past big words or scary analogies, you can't be convinced by anything but repeated emotional manipulation anyhow."
I'm not that cynical about everyone, but those who are entirely concerned with the "overall" tone aren't probably going to get what I'm writing, anyway.
So, am I a sexist? By some definitions, assuredly yes. And I scoff (yes, I just used the word "scoff") at anyone who claims not to be.
As a noun, it can be defined as "a man with a chauvinistic belief in the inferiority of women." Personally, I find that definition rather sexist, as well - I've known just as many women convinced of the superiority of their sex as the reverse. Regardless, that definition does NOT pertain to me. I hold neither sex to be superior.
However, as an adjective, it can be defined as "discriminatory on the basis of sex" - and I do discriminate between the sexes. There are very real differences between men and women. We all know it, even the uber-PC people who wholeheartedly deny it.
Again, I don't know how much of the difference between men and women is based on genetics, and how much is based on culture, but there are differences.
Interestingly enough, most dictionaries combine the definition with "prejudice" - which is to judge prior to knowledge. Actually, it has been knowledge and experience which have caused me to believe there truly are inherent differences between men and women. That is not something I believed at all ten years ago.
So, if I offended you with the tone of my entry, read it again and tell me if there's something wrong, flawed, or specifically sexist about it. If so, I'll be glad to revisit it, or remove it, or apologize for it. If not, then perhaps it's not my communication skills at fault, but a prejudice on the reader's side of things. My blog consists of my thoughts - which are by my human nature fallible. But I have no interest in apologizing for writing a truth in an unpalatable form.
My job is to promote fiction, to manipulate emotion to make people happier. That's what I do for a living. For fun, I tell the truth. There's a reason I make money off of one, and not the other!
Jess
P.S. I was also told I come across as cynical. I am. |
|
|
| I'm 29, and yet - I'm still boring... |
[May. 23rd, 2006|06:35 am] |
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.
29. Here. I’d say finally, but it kinda crept up on me, and then pounced. I’m not sure quite how it happened; I’m just getting into the groove of being in my 20s.
I’ve got a lot on my mind right now, and it’s exceedingly boring. So I’m going to share it with you, because I’m old, and that’s what old people do. We call it wisdom, because it just takes too long to say “boring crap that you couldn’t care less about, but it means a lot to me, and I’m going to tell you about it in hopes that you’ll find meaning in it.”
Even using the acronym “BCTYCCLABIMALTMAIGTTYAIIHTYFMIT” takes too long. And it’s harder to pronounce than “anthropomorphism.” So we’ll stick with “wisdom.” Maybe that stands for “We Ignore Stupid Diatribes Of Musicians.” Then again, it could stand for “Wicked Immoral Sex Delights Ordinary Men.” But I digress. As old people do.
What has happened over my life?
30 years ago, I was… Crap, well, not really doing much. Wasn’t playing piano, wasn’t drinking, wasn’t making time with the hot chicks… Damn, non-existence sucks!
20 years ago, I’d just discovered “The Lord of the Rings,” just figured out how to pronounce the letter “r,” and couldn’t say the letter “s” to save my life. Sorry, that should’ve been “to thave my life.” My sister Tammy had just moved out of the house (a big deal when there’s seven people sharing one bathroom), and I had been playing the piano for two years. I couldn’t play piano very well. I’d never had a drink. And I was still of the opinion that I didn’t really like girls. Damn, being nine sucked, too!
10 years ago, I was finishing up my second year of college. I’d just grown my ponytail. I was as insecure about being a musician as you could possibly be. I’d fallen in love with a girl named Sarah. I was pretty much a fundamentalist Christian, who didn’t cuss, drink, or anything fun. I was scared about being in my 20s. And I couldn’t get a date, no matter how hard I tried. So, I felt I couldn’t play piano, wasn’t drinking, and got nowhere with the chicks. You know, I’m not seeing much progress from 9 to 19 here.
So far, 29 has been pretty good. I’ve done absolutely nothing this year. Then again, I won’t officially turn 29 until later this morning, so we’ll just go back to my 28th year. It’s been like a soap opera this last year, anyway. You hear about the old Chinese Curse “may you live in interesting times” – well, there are apparently a lot of old Chinese people cursing at me.
One year ago I was living on Bourbon St., in New Orleans, living an incredible existence (except for the drunk people who peed on my porch on a regular basis). I performed almost every night (musically! Get your mind out of the gutter!). I was one of the top entertainers at the world-famous “Pat O’Brien’s.” I was taking ballroom dance lessons during the day, meeting beautiful girls from around the world at night. My friend Katie had just moved to New Orleans, and was living with me while I built her an apartment (which I finished in August). Despite my best efforts (and copious amounts of alcohol), she never did fall in lust with me. With my golden tan and bulging muscles, I’m not sure how she ever resisted, but she managed somehow. Still, much fun was had whilst we roommated (is that a verb?).
That all changed when an ill-tempered Katrina came my way. I left New Orleans with Katie, expecting to be gone a day or two. I ended up living with her and her parents for about two weeks while we watched all the news of New Orleans flooding. (Even grief didn’t make her want to get naked for me… man, it’s just hopeless). I thought I lost everything. I was mildly upset at this, but more upset for Katie; she’d just gotten her own apartment, her dad had brought all of her belongings down… She’d been living like a nomad for years (she’s a dancer), and was finally settling down, only to have it all ripped away. But there was nothing I could do; I had no job, no money, no way to help. In fact, I had nothing at all, including plans, ideas, prospects…
So I did what anybody would do. I went to Colorado and auditioned for “American Idol.” What can I say? I was bored. It was a joke, by the way. I was amazed by the talent there; I was completely out of my league, vocally. However, almost nobody with any real talent made it through the auditions, just the tone-deaf freaks who would look funny in the bloopers. I saw several people that blew 90% of the top twelve away. They were passed over immediately. If I were to do it again, I’d sing off-key in a funny costume. Much, much, much more likely to get through.
Anyway, after I got over my heartbreak at not passing the audition… Okay, I’m lying. There was no heartbreak. After seeing what they wanted, I’m grateful I didn’t make it. But after it was over, having no home and no money and no job, I hopped a plane to Las Vegas.
I came to peace with having lost everything. I realized that possessions are merely “stuff.” None of it was really that important (except my tequila collection). My family, my friends, my health, my career – all of these were intact (though not my tequila). People I’d never met opened up their homes to me. Friends from around the world called to make sure I was okay. My mother, my father, friends of my parents – all sent me money, though they really didn’t have any to spare. One of my college professors wanted to buy me a new wardrobe. There was an outpouring of generosity that I still can’t fully wrap my mind around. All I can say is that even thinking about it still humbles me.
And then, having made peace with loss, I found out that I’d lost nothing. Everything I owned was perfectly okay, and more importantly, so was all of Katie’s stuff. And that’s when my dad informed me that he was taking a week off of work, and making a 4,000 mile trip with me to haul my stuff from New Orleans to Las Vegas.
Again with the being humbled.
To make a long story… longer, I moved to Las Vegas, played the strip (that’s different than being a stripper – I think I’d get paid more to put my clothes back on) for several months, started freelancing there, then in California, all up and down the coast… I got tired of all the traveling. Vegas is an incredible city, but the dueling pianos scene is heavily into politics, and I just want to play. I don’t want to backstab or be backstabbed, kiss-ass and be insincerely flattered. I just want to make music and entertain audiences. So I came back to Texas, where I have (with a partner) started a dueling pianos freelance team in the Houston area.
So, now, when it’s all settling down, I realize that I’m 29.
I had a list of goals when I was 28. Some of them came true, but many did not. I did get in shape like I planned - and then I got out of shape again. I did not become debt-free, for obvious reasons. I haven’t become an expert ballroom dancer. I haven’t learned another language, or gotten back into martial arts. I didn’t reconcile with the girl of my dreams. I didn’t get a recording contract, or finish my new CDs. Not once did I have a threesome with twins.
But I did become a better singer, a better entertainer. I worked with some of the best people in the industry, and learned how to hold my own with them. I made some new friends that I think will be with me for life. And I got back in touch with some old friends that I hope will put up with me, too.
I did learn who cared about me, and some of those people surprised me. I learned who didn’t care about me, and some of those surprised me, too. I learned about how inconsequential so much of our stuff is. I learned what true generosity means. I learned the necessity of planning ahead, and the futility of expecting any of those plans to come true.
I’ve become more and more cynical about relationships; most are based entirely on fiction. Men and women lie to each other and manipulate each other constantly, and both sides find it normal for themselves to do so, and horrible and disgusting when the other side does it. Even people who pride themselves on being truthful will lie by omission if the truth makes them uncomfortable.
And yet - I’ve grown more amazed by true love. My cousin and my brother have both found incredible wives, and they have relationships that most people couldn’t even fathom. Not perfect, not without tension… But with incredible love. And when I see it, I think of how rare it is – like a flower that we’ve all seen pictures of, but so few have ever smelled the fragrance.
I’ve become more and more cynical about our country, as our government grows more and more power-hungry, like the decaying Roman Empire, and the people just clamor for bread and circuses. I’ve become disgusted with all the people who are willing to throw away not only their own rights and freedoms, but yours and mine, just as long as they can feel safe. I was disgusted by the people who took advantage of the devastation in New Orleans, those who looted, and stole, and lied to get more from the government. I’ve become repulsed by the incredible greed that says “I have a right to everything I want, because I want it, and you have it.”
And yet – though adversity brings out the worst in many people… Though I’ve seen the ugliest sides of the American populace, I’ve also seen the best. Whether you call them patriots or idealists, those who give until they have nothing left, in the name of America, and even more, in the name of God – those should make us all proud to be American. And though I don’t agree with many of the military conflicts going on, I know people who signed up believing that our country needs them, willing to sacrifice their own lives so that you and I may be safe.
I’ve become more and more frightened by the rampant ignorance around me. How emotion has become more important than fact, feelings more vital than reality. We seem to have thrown away our drive towards reason, science, history, in favor of group discussions and hand-holding. If you try to use logic and action/consequence in a discussion, you’ll get blank stares. Sometimes, I think we’re headed towards another Dark Age.
And yet - if you apply yourself, we have access to more knowledge than at any point in history. I can text a friend in Thailand, IM a friend in Germany, email a friend in Mexico, all while perusing world news on my computer, and listening to a CD on how to speak a foreign language.
Some of my dreams are dying. I’m getting too old to get a record contract, though I’m going to try for a few more years. I’m liking the thought of settling down and raising a family more and more, but I’m finding it even less likely than I did before. And before, I thought there was virtually no chance. Now, I’d remove the word “virtually” from that thought.
Other dreams are just awakening, though. I now own a business of my own. I’m making my own way. I am becoming a success in ways I never thought possible. Will I ever have a platinum CD? Probably not, but I will be playing music for a living as long as I want to. Will I ever have kids? Probably not, but my nieces and nephews are really awesome - and now that I’m back in Texas, I’ll be around as they grow up.
I used to see the world in black and white, with shades of grey here and there on certain select topics. Now, I can’t find the black and white any more, but how pretty all the colors in between have become!
My 20s began rough. But though it doesn’t get any easier, it gets better. Almost every day. I found out what I’m good at, and what I’m not! I found my true friends. I found love, though I had to let it go. Overall, I’ve found happiness. In some ways, I’ve found a lot of maturity. So maybe I am ready for my 30s.
Nah. Who am I kidding? I’ve got 365 days left to party like I’m a young guy! Who’s bringing the tequila? Clothing optional!
Talk to you all next year,
The Old Man formerly known as Jess |
|
|
| We're Different. Still. |
[Apr. 18th, 2006|04:46 am] |
Okay, men and women are different. You know it. I know it. So why do we assume one is better than the other?
Men tend to be more focused on one thing at a time, while women multi-task. Yes, there are obvious exceptions to this, but as a generality, it holds true. We look at one thing at a time. This is not better, and not worse, just different.
A girl got really upset with me recently in an argument, because there were certain behaviors she said were disgusting, that I didn’t find disgusting at all. She said that you could tell how a guy would treat a girl by how his friends treat girls. This is not my experience at all; men don’t pick their friends on that account. In fact, I can’t think of any two male friends I have that have the same attitude towards women, other than we’re all horny (we are men, and that equals perpetually horny). She then said that a nice guy would walk away from men that were commenting on a girl’s physical attributes as if she were “a piece of meat.” I laughed.
This is something I’ve heard women complain about a lot (not all women, some like it) – they say “we’re not a piece of meat, don’t look at us like an object!” This is somehow assumed to be wrong, disgusting, filthy, etc. They say “We’re more than our bodies – you’ve got to look at the whole picture.”
Why? When we’re checking out a girl’s ass, or nice cleavage, we’re not evaluating what she’d be like as a girlfriend. We’re not wondering if she’s our soulmate. We’re thinking about her body. And I don’t see why that’s wrong – we’re not groping her. We’re not invading her privacy. If she finds it offensive, then she doesn’t have to date us, sleep with us, even talk to us. But looking and commenting – it’s a free country (used to be, at least), and I honestly can’t find any harm in it. Can one girl tell me what’s actually wrong with it? Saying “it’s wrong” doesn’t count – I want a reason. Saying “it’s objectifying” doesn’t help, either – what’s wrong with that? Saying “it’s demeaning” is void, unless you can tell me WHY it’s demeaning.
By now, many women reading this are offended. But what it seems like to me is a classic case of women judging men by women’s rules. Unless you can tell me WHY you think it’s wrong, other than “it’s just wrong,” it doesn’t count. Just because you “feel” it’s wrong doesn’t make it wrong. Just because you “feel” it’s disgusting doesn’t count, either. There has to be an objective reason, or it’s just personal opinion. Opinions are great to have, until you share them.
I was reading a fantasy book by a female author today. There are several female authors that I truly enjoy reading, but when they talk from a male perspective, it’s hilarious. For one thing, the hero always hates being stared at by women, because he wants girls to notice him for who he is, not how stunningly handsome he is.
Bullshit. Guys don’t mind girls checking us out. We love it. And if you think we’ve got a great ass, we don’t mind if you grab it, either. Just don’t pinch it – that shit hurts.
The way we figure it, you’ve got to start somewhere, and looks are a great beginning. If you want to know our personality, we know you’ll get there eventually. If, after knowing us for years, you don’t care about anything but our looks, then we might be offended. But that’s usually not the way it works.
While we’re on this subject, I see these girls in super-tight jeans, so low-cut you can see butt cleavage, showing off the tattoo on the small of their backs, with wonder-bras and a low-cut shirts… I’m sorry, but they have no right to complain about being looked at like pieces of meat. Most women’s fashions are designed to make girls look as sexual as possible – and they complain because we look at them sexually!
Don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying men haven’t always looked at women this way… But it’s sure as hell not a one-sided deal anymore. Women ask to be looked at. If you can’t admit this, you’re in a dream world.
Women – you want to figure out how a man treats women? Watch how he treats women. You want to know how he’ll treat you on a date? Go on a date. Want to know how he’ll be in a long-term relationship? Get in a long-term relationship. Anything else is pure speculation, and almost guaranteed to be 100% wrong. If you judge him by his friends, you’re completely off base. Is a man who looks at women sexually offensive to you? Become a lesbian. We all do it. Some hide it, some are discreet, some are blatant. We all do it. It’s who we are.
Before I leave my soapbox, I’m going to go on about monogamy.
I’ve stated before that it’s not natural for men. And if you can’t accept this, again, you’re in a dream world. Some men can do it, because of love. There are several girls that I’ve dated that I would’ve given up all other women for, because it was worth it. But that doesn’t make it natural.
That’s not the point I’m about to make, though. My point is this – guys are going to get sex somewhere. It’s just the truth. And if you’re not giving it to him, don’t be upset when he’s getting it elsewhere. Yeah, you think it’s disgusting, and personally, I hate dishonesty of any variety. It’s one reason I remain single. But if you’re not in the mood for over a month, then either he’s frustrated and unhappy, or he’s looking elsewhere.
Guys do get in relationships for many reasons. Sex is not the only one. Companionship, friendship, support, these are all vital. But as my brother once said “Sex can’t make a relationship, but it sure as hell can break one.”
In an ideal world, when one partner is unsatisfied (and yes, I know several cases where it’s the woman who’s unsatisfied), they would talk it over, and resolve the problem. But more often, one of the couple will use sex either as a weapon, or a reward. Keep in mind, if the price is too high, you can’t blame a guy for going to a lower bidder.
Disgusting? I know many girls that will say so. Some guys, too. I’ve never done that, and never will, because I believe in honesty, and I’d sooner dump a girl than stay with one who’s trying to manipulate me through sex. Many guys don’t think it’s worth the trouble. Especially if they’re married. And let’s face it – how many married couples do you know with an active sex life? If you can name more than five married couples you know (really, really know) who are having sex more than once a month… You’re way ahead of me. I can name three. And that’s out of… Well, I know the details on around thirty. Maybe that’s an insufficient scientific sample.
Girls wonder why men are so scared of commitment, why we don’t want to settle down. Chew on these thoughts for awhile before you wonder. Unless she’s the most incredible girl he’s ever met, and he can’t possibly be happy without her, marriage is a losing proposition for a guy. Most of the things a girl offers a guy, either he doesn’t want, or she’ll quit doing once he’s married. And if it doesn’t work out, he’ll lose most of what he owns.
Do I sound bitter? I’m not, really. I’ve only let one girl screw me over, and I learned my lesson from that. Do I sound cynical? I am, but not from my own experiences, but from watching everybody around me. Do I sound like I hate women? I don’t – I love women, and the majority of my friends are women. But it’s frustrating to watch women judge men by women’s standards, immediately assuming that if a man doesn’t live by a woman’s rules, he’s either a pig, or immature. I’m growing more and more offended as I notice the culture around me saying it’s wrong to be a man, and that a societally acceptable man acts like a woman with a penis.
The few women I’ve truly cared for were not that way. They were different, and saw men as men, and women as women. No excuses necessary, no judgements, just amusement and sometimes exasperation.
Women, accept that men are different, and you’ll be happier. Don’t judge them by what you would do in their place – the Golden Rule is crap when it crosses genders.
Men, quit trying to be women. You won’t be happy, and you won’t make your woman happy. Don’t pay any attention to what the radio, TV, and the movies tell you women want. Act like a man, and you’ll have no problems in that regard, except with bitchy women you’d be better off without, anyway.
Soapbox off. Stepping down. Talk to you all soon,
Jester |
|
|
| Easter, or Why I Am A Christian |
[Apr. 16th, 2006|01:23 am] |
These are definitely interesting times we live in. Misguided Christians, steeped in ignorance, advocate the teaching of belief as fact. Misguided scientists, jaded to belief, try to tear down the faith that has been one of the hallmarks of Western Civilization. I can’t really figure out what religion has to do with the physical world, or what science has to do with the spiritual world. Sometimes, it has the feeling of one group chanting “There are no trees in the forest!” while another group replies “There are no forests around all these trees!” Millions of people believe the blatant fiction of “The Da Vinci Code” as fact, while disbelieving the Theory of Evolution. Millions of people claiming to follow a religion of peace advocate the slaughter of their enemies. And I’ll let you guess which religion I’m talking about – there’s more than one right answer.
Some would say these are the end times, that all the prophecies that Jesus (and John) gave us are coming true. It’s possible, but I doubt it. My take on prophecy is that we’re not meant to understand it until after the fact. I’ve read the Old Testament many times, and it truly seems to prophesy a military leader coming to free Israel. Jesus fulfilled all the prophecies, but in completely unexpected directions. Only in retrospect could we understand. God is mysterious. Prophecy seems to have two objectives; one is always to direct (usually chastise) God’s followers in an immediate manner… The other is for the future, so that when the prophecy is fulfilled, we’ll know it was part of God’s plan.
I don’t claim to have a deep understanding of all religions. I’ve looked at some others, like Islam, Judaism, and Buddhism (more a philosophy), but only to see if their general principles appealed to me. There were nice touches in each, but Christianity drew me back. There were two reasons for this: Jesus’ death, and Jesus’ Resurrection.
There is a dilemma involved with most religions, a paradox that most try to resolve; either we are flawed, or we are perfect. It’s hard to argue that we are perfect, but if we are flawed, then we do not deserve the reward of a perfect afterlife. Most religions give a set of commands that you follow to deserve this reward. My problem with this was that no matter how many commands you follow, you still cannot achieve perfection. Some believe that you are given many chances in many lives, each time learning a lesson, each time coming closer to spiritually ascending to the next level. My problem with this was that simple mathematics and population statistics make this hard to work with (if you don’t understand, email me, and I’ll give details).
Christianity teaches that God is perfect, and that He (I don’t believe God is male, but there is no gender-neutral pronoun that fits – I’m not going to call God an “It”!) created us with free will. By free will, we choose our paths, and when we make mistakes, we become flawed. (Yes, I know some branches of Christianity teach that we are made already flawed, but they usually use tradition and doctrine to support this, as there is not any direct evidence of this teaching that I’m aware of in actual Scripture.)
This makes sense to me, and seems to follow a logical and true path. I am a firm believer in action resulting in consequences. Sin is when we willfully reject God, who is Love, and instead harm others for selfish reasons. Sometimes the harm is immediate, sometimes it is hidden, but when we cause harm, there is always sin. The consequence of this is separation from God, separation from He who is Love, Peace, Hope, Truth, and all that is good.
Once you’ve made a mistake, you are no longer perfect. No matter how many rules you follow, no matter how many wonderful things you do, you are no longer perfect!
God knows I am not perfect. I have hurt people. I have put my needs and wants above others. I have done this in the distant past. I have done this in recent weeks. I try not to, I work very hard at it, I agonize over it. And I fail.
This is where Jesus comes in, and separates Christianity from all other religions. He, being perfect, agreed to take on the spiritual consequence of our sins. All the hurt, the pain, the loss, the sorrow… the sin. And it killed Him.
This alone would make Christianity noble. It’s a good part of the story. But it is not the best part. The best part is that He rose, and conquered Death. And that victory was not for Himself, for God is not selfish as we are. That victory applies to everyone who accepts it.
As a Christian, I do not have to be perfect. I will never be perfect. God knows this. I don’t deserve an eternal reward – it’s being given to me. I don’t deserve forgiveness – it’s being given to me. Free of charge.
So why do I still strive for perfection? For one, out of gratitude towards He who saved me. For another, because I have learned the closer to God’s path I walk, the greater my time here on earth is. The more Christian a life I lead, the more fulfilled and joyous a life I lead. And as I realize the magnitude of His caring for me, the greater I care for those around me.
Easter is a rather amusing symbol in some ways. It undeniably has been altered from a Pagan fertility rite, and not even altered all that much! (look up the Easter Bunny and the colored eggs sometime, if you don’t believe me). But when you get away from all the pastel colors, and the chocolate, it’s still a reminder of the most important event that has ever happened in human history.
There is no time that I’m more likely to be moved to tears than when I contemplate the suffering of Christ, most often during Communion, or on Good Friday. And there is no time when I feel the joy and triumph of being a Christian than on Easter Sunday. In the words of Wesley:
Christ the Lord is risen today, Alleluia!
Earth and heaven in chorus say, Alleluia!
Raise your joys and triumphs high, Alleluia!
Sing, ye heavens, and earth reply, Alleluia!
Love's redeeming work is done, Alleluia!
Fought the fight, the battle won, Alleluia!
Death in vain forbids him rise, Alleluia!
Christ has opened paradise, Alleluia!
Lives again our glorious King, Alleluia!
Where, O death, is now thy sting? Alleluia!
Once he died our souls to save, Alleluia!
Where's thy victory, boasting grave? Alleluia!
Soar we now where Christ has led, Alleluia!
Following our exalted Head, Alleluia!
Made like him, like him we rise, Alleluia!
Ours the cross, the grave, the skies, Alleluia!
Hail the Lord of earth and heaven, Alleluia!
Praise to Thee by both be given, Alleluia!
Thee we greet triumphant now, Alleluia!
Hail the Resurrection, thou, Alleluia!
King of glory, soul of bliss, Alleluia!
Everlasting life is this, Alleluia!
Thee to know, thy power to prove, Alleluia!
Thus to sing, and thus to love, Alleluia! |
|
|
| Men and Women |
[Apr. 3rd, 2006|03:44 am] |
Occasionally I have been accused of being sexist. This is probably because I am. I didn't used to be, but life is rapidly making me that way. However, I am not a believer in one sex being superior to the other; actually, it's more a struggle to decide who is more evil. The jury is still out on that one.
That brings us to today's topic for conversation; Men and Women. Let's start with Women.
Women are like
...the stock market
They're irrational and can bankrupt you if you're not careful.
...computers
They take too long to warm up and a better model always comes along once you've already got one.
...Saran Wrap
Useful but clingy.
...horses
Fun to pet and ride but a pain to feed and clean up after.
...parking meters
If you don't feed them with enough money you face serious consequences.
...fax machines
Useful for one very specific purpose but otherwise just high-maintenance paperweights.
...political campaign contributors
If you let them talk about themselves long enough you wind up in bed with them.
...refrigerators
They're always cold and never seem to have a beer when you need one.
...blue jeans
They look good for a while but eventually they fade and have to be replaced.
...country western songs
They're annoying, they all sound alike, but if you really listen to them you'll get depressed and drink a lot.
So, there you have it. What, there's another side? Let's hear it.
Men Are Like
... Bank Accounts.
Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.
... Blenders.
You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
... Chocolate Bars.
Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
... Coffee.
The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.
... Commercials.
You can't believe a word they say.
... Computers.
Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.
... Coolers.
Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.
... Copiers.
You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.
... Curling Irons.
They're always hot, and they're always in your hair.
... Government Bonds.
They take so long to mature.
... Horoscopes.
They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
... Lava Lamps.
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.
... Mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
... Parking Spots.
The good ones are already taken and the ones that are left are either handicapped or extremely small.
... Popcorn.
They satisfy you, but only for a little while
Any questions, ladies and gentlemen? |
|
|
| Your Papers, please! |
[Mar. 20th, 2006|01:30 pm] |
Well, if I had any doubts about the merits of private industry versus the guv, well, they're gone.
I lost my wallet in Oroville California last week. I was there for a week-long gig, complete with alcohol, free meals, and a jacuzzi in my room. Aah... good times. Where was I? Oh yeah, lost my wallet. Hard to imagine, with my laser-like focus and all. Speaking of which... Oohh, pretty lights.
Never mind.
Well, I searched high, I searched low, I searched some ladies underwear... But didn't find my wallet. First time I've ever lost my wallet. It sucked.
So, I got back to Vegas. Called up my credit cards, and explained the situation. All was good, nobody had tried to access my accounts. We closed the accounts and opened new ones. All it took was some personal info, which was rather easy to provide. They were extremely polite, and even a little sympathetic. Then I went to the bank, closed that checking account, and opened a new one. Again, very polite, very nice, just asked me a whole bunch of questions.
Then I went to get a copy of my driver's license. First, I had to wait two hours in line before I could even talk to anybody. Then, the person listened to my situation, and called up on her computer my driver's license. I could see the copy of it there, with my pic. She asked me for my birth certificate and Social Security Card. I explained to her that I didn't have my birth certificate, as it was being used to get me my Passport (you have to mail off your birth certificate, and it comes back to you with the Passport when you're done). She looked at me and said "Well, show me your passport." I tried to explain that I didn't have it. I said "Look, I can tell you my driver's license number, my SS number, my birthdate, my height, weight, eye color, and mother's maiden name. You can see my picture right there."
She said "Sorry, without proper authorized documentation, I can't help you." I said I could show her a rental agreement, car deeds, utility bills. Nope. No interest in helping me.
If there were competing industries, then she'd have to be nicer, or lose my business. Had my credit cards given me that kind of hassle, I would've cancelled my account. But since it's the government, they don't care. They don't have to.
Lucky for me, my passport ended up coming in, so I was able to get my Driver's License replaced. After waiting another few hours in line at the DMV.
Anyway, I'm off to Houston soon. The Great City of... Crap, you know, I wish that Austin were the one offering me all the jobs. Nothing against Houston, but it's rather low on my list of places I want to be in Texas. Austin? Hell, yeah! DFW? Perhaps. Corpus Christi? Cool. Houston? Well, it's better than Abilene.
Have I already told you all how I'm in love? Yup. I found my soulmate. It's Grace Park, from Battlestar Galactica. Or any of the myriad robot character she plays. I don't care. I'm proposing, man. I'll even get down on one knee. The view is good there, too. Damn, but she's a hottie!
What do you mean, I'm shallow?
Well, I'm off to get errands run. Talk to you all soon, probably after my first cruise is done!
Jester |
|
|
| Ma |
[Mar. 5th, 2006|03:17 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | amused | ] |
01: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
02: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e. When she is using her teeth.
03: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally
killed and eaten by his buddies.
04: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
05: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
06: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is
forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
07: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.
08: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
09: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.!
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless
supermodel...and it's free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed
to kick another guy in the nuts.
12b: On second thought, that's really never okay.
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see
anything.
16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking
about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours,
except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man (even while lifting weights):
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to another man in a bathroom...an almost imperceptible nod is all the convsersation you need. It is proper to stare silently at a spot on the wall in front of you until you are through. All conversations that are under way while entering the bathroom can be picked up again once you BOTH exit the bathroom.
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for
her to drive yours.
26: Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green,
orange or sky blue.
27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for
Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's
Gymnastics
Ever. |
|
|
| Wouldn't you know it! |
[Feb. 21st, 2006|03:12 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | amused | ] |
I make the mistake of mentioning Vox Day in my last post, and he puts a link to it... And of course, rather than being one of my deep insightful posts, or one of humorous ones, it's just a collection of random events happening in my life.
Good thing I don't ache for respect among the online viewing public.
In an amusing note, he blamed my social programming on public schooling. Now THAT'S damn funny!
Jess |
|
|
| The State of the... Well, not Union... The State of Jess! |
[Feb. 19th, 2006|04:41 pm] |
Well, times are interesting…
I met a gorgeous girl at work last night. But alas, she came in right after I was done for the night, so she didn’t see me onstage. I have as yet to get a date in my life who hadn’t seen me onstage, first. It’s 99% of my mojo. She asked for my number, and said she’ll call. Hmm… I’m not holding my breath on that one!
On the other hand, I did get a valentine this year – two actually. One was an online valentine, which was nice. And the other was sent by a female friend who’d read on one of my MySpace quizzes that I’d never gotten a valentine.
Aw, shucks. It made me blush. But then, I’m Irish. I turn red for any reason, and sometimes no reason at all.
I’ve been struggling to find work for a couple of months now, and suddenly I’ve been inundated with job offers. Now I have to decide whether it’s time to move again… I hate decisions. In college, I was given the choice of three majors. I chose them all (hence my four-year degree taking six years!). That’s how my mind works. I don’t think that’s going to be feasible, this time. Why can’t we have cloning yet?
I’ve been trying a new workout strategy. On the one hand, it’s working magnificently; I’ve added about 15 lbs. in the last month, and mostly I like how I’m looking. On the other hand, I’ve got a bit of a belly. Not much, and nobody else would see it as such, but I like having a six pack. Maybe I should just settle for a keg.
So I was at the gym, and this Avril Lavigne video was on the TV while I was running. It’s a song all about how she’s not going to put out, so she’s pissed at her boyfriend for trying to get some. Okay, I can deal with that. But the whole video was her following this guy around telling him how much she doesn’t want him or need him, and he’s ignoring her the whole time. He walks from her apartment downstairs, walks out into the street, and the whole time she’s following him… Seemed kinda against the point of the song, to me.
On other topics, I’ve been reading a lot of the online columnist Vox Day. Although I think he confuses correlation with causation much of the time, I really can’t argue with a lot of his observations. One of his favorite topics is feminism. The gut reaction I have is totally opposite his views; however, every life experience I’ve had says that he is right. I’m still digesting this one. He’s a completely sexist guy, but every time I think that he’s saying something completely unfair, I can’t provide any memories or experiences to the contrary.
If you’re interested in some thought provoking (and probably quite offensive) thoughts on this topic, here’s some reading by him and another online columnist named Mike Adams.
http://www.voxday.net/archive/2005/022105.html
http://www.voxday.net/archive/2005/080805.html
http://www.townhall.com/opinion/columns/mikeadams/2006/01/23/183352.html
http://www.townhall.com/opinion/columns/mikeadams/2006/01/25/183758.html
http://www.townhall.com/opinion/columns/mikeadams/2006/01/26/184026.html
http://www.townhall.com/opinion/columns/mikeadams/2006/01/30/184235.html
On the topic of academia, and where it’s headed in America (short answer, Hell in a politically motivated handbasket), here’s a couple of more articles.
http://www.michaelberube.com/index.php/weblog/academic_freedom/
http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2006/01/idiot_america.php
And speaking of politically motivated handbaskets, a couple people have emailed me asking for substantiation of my claims that our government’s long-prophesied descent into Big Brotherness is in full throttle, well…
http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/editorials/la-ed-nsa26jan26,0,2557329.story?coll=la-news-comment-editorials
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/2006/01/27/EDGNSGT5UL1.DTL
http://www.nationalreview.com/comment/de_rugy200602010013.asp
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/01/22/AR2006012201027.html
http://lancemannion.typepad.com/lance_mannion/2006/01/why_im_never_in.html
There are some areas of life that are getting better, and I don’t want to sound like a complete pessimist. Technology, medicine, longevity, quality of life are all at a peak in America, more than any other place I know of at any other time in history. Opportunities still abound in virtually infinite areas of life to pursue what you want to do, who you want to be. Racism, though still alive, is definitely getting weaker with every passing decade.
On the downside, I also see signs of societal decay;
1) Our schools are an utter failure, and getting worse, not better. I see no possible way of saving them without scrapping the entire system.
2) Our society is becoming more socialist, despite the failure of every socialist scheme that’s ever been attempted. Our medical system, the most advanced in the world due to free-market innovation, is rapidly becoming more and more socialized, and I anticipate complete socialization of it within 15 years.
3) People are no longer truly cognizant of the price and privilege of real freedom, and despite our history, we are quite possibly within one or two generations of losing the vast majority of our freedoms, willingly handed over in the name of security.
4) We stand on the brink of financial ruin, both as a government, and individually. Fiscal responsibility is sneered at.
5) We’re destroying our environment, and making no real effort to change direction. From global warming to water pollution to depletion of oil, coal and forest, we’re living at unsustainable levels.
So, are we headed up, or down? My answer is yes. The optimist in me believes that we can overcome any obstacle thrown at us. The only question is; at what cost? The longer we wait, the higher the bill is going to be.
That’s why I plan on taking over the world as Supreme and Benevolent Dictator. Won’t you join my party? I guarantee kickbacks, lavish lifestyles, and much corruption at the highest levels!
Jess |
|
|
| No, really, I'm a Christian... |
[Jan. 30th, 2006|11:22 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
I’m a Christian. I believe the Bible teaches truth. I believe that Jesus is the Son of God, and came to redeem us from the spiritual penalty of our sin.
I thought I’d start with that, because most Christians would believe the rest of this blog is atheistic and immoral.
What our current administration (and indeed, the “Religious Right” all across America) doesn’t seem to realize is that “Freedom of Religion” also requires freedom from religion. Separation of Church and State must be absolute, or it is meaningless.
Our Congress and Judicial system is giving Bush unbelievable powers and authority – and the American Public seems to feel this is okay, because they trust him. Whether that trust is deserved is irrelevant; what happens when that power goes to someone that you don’t trust? This is why Washington refused to be a King. The power and authority must go with the office, not the man.
By the same token, we are currently a majority Protestant Christian. What happens if that ceases to be the case? If the majority of Americans 40 years from now are Muslim, does that mean we should all have to follow Islamic law?
I was raised to believe (not by my parents, necessarily; more by the churches I attended in my youth) that Christianity is under attack everywhere in America. That freedom of religion was being threatened, and that soon we’d all be forced to worship in secret, and persecuted if we professed a belief in God.
Then I actually looked at the real world. People who call themselves Christian are really the only ones doing the persecuting - not exactly something you find a lot of in Christ’s example. Take “Prayer in School” – there’s nothing against students, or even teachers praying. But what the churches want is to have everybody joining in a group prayer together. Why? Where does group prayer fit in with academia? For that matter, what kind of prayer do you want? What level of interaction do you believe the Holy Spirit has with our world? I know Catholic prayers all seem to rhyme. Pentecostals believe that God (and Satan) takes a very physical role in our world – I remember the time I saw a group of pastors trying to cast Satan out of the carburetor of the Youth Group Minivan (it broke down on the way to a youth group outing). Apparently, their faith wasn’t as strong as the mechanic who ended up having to fix it.
So should we have a Baptist prayer, and a Catholic prayer, and a LDS prayer, and a…? No, it’s quite ridiculous when you stop the rhetoric and actually think about it. If several students choose to get together and pray, I know of no teacher or principal who’d stop them, as long as it wasn’t interfering with the regular school events.
People ask me why I get so incensed with the ID situation. After all, I don’t believe in out current Public School system anyway, and furthermore, I’m a musician, not a biologist. Well, here’s the problem; I don’t think people should be lied to. Especially not in our schools. And the whole “controversy” about evolution is a lie. Plain and simple. I hear a lot of “teach the controversy” and “have a balanced view” and “show the other side.” But in science, there often isn’t another side.
I won’t bother trying to debunk ID here – I’ve said a few objections to it, and you can find far more reasoned and exacting arguments from others online, such as PZ Myers. But the truth is not what we’ve been taught. To scientists, evolution is not a controversy. It’s not a “what if” or even a “maybe.” Contrary to what I was told by the churches growing up, there are no “missing links” in our fossil records. We have virtually a complete fossil record showing development from single celled organisms through millions of years of change, leading up to humans. There’s not even a missing link from early primates to humans. All the things I was told were “unexplainable by science” are one by one being explained by science – from how bumblebees fly to the development of the eye.
There are controversies within evolution. But the theory itself? The bedrock of all modern biology. And students have a right to know this! We don’t “teach the controversy” of Flat Earth versus Round Earth. We’d be aghast if medical schools taught both sides “the four humors” versus our current understanding of organ and tissue function.
Another argument I often hear is that the majority of Americans believe in ID, so it should be taught in school. How many ignorant people does it take before believing falsehood becomes reality? If every American believed that babies come from storks, should it be taught in school?
For that matter, how about sex education? The current rationale seems to be that if you keep kids ignorant, they won’t want to have sex. News flash; kids don’t want to have sex because they hear about it from their teachers (if anything, that’s a turn-off!). They want to have sex because of their hormones. And they need to be taught what’s effective, what’s not, and why.
We are just a few years (perhaps less than one year) from having a vaccine that protects from HPV. The problem? It’s most effective when administered around age 10. I will be amazed if parents will allow their kids to be inoculated against an STD – despite the fact that it’s one of the fastest spreading ones, often has no outward symptoms, and is killing women by the thousands. That will have nothing to do with it; people will say that if they vaccinate their kids against an STD, they’re encouraging their kids to have pre and extramarital sex.
For that matter, while I’m spouting heresy, let me spout another one. In general, Monogamy doesn’t work. Neither does Celibacy. The churches are quick to expound on this subject over and over again, but what they’re not willing to say is the statistics. By the most optimistic studies, marriages are monogamous 20% of the time. And before you ladies say it’s always the man that cheats, consider this; a recent DNA study in Britain found that at least 4% of kids have a different dad than who the mother claimed was the father. That’s one in 25. Oh, I should mention – that’s of married women.
Can marriage work? Yes. Can it be monogamous? Yes. But the truth is that most people are not mature enough, self-sacrificing enough, and careful enough to enter into a marriage only when it’s the absolute right thing to do. It’s like a music career – it can be done, and it can be successful. But it’s a rare thing.
I remember being told by a Youth Pastor that if our hormones were uncontrollable, we needed to get married so we wouldn’t be sinning. Even at age 14 I thought that sounded like bullshit.
What does the Bible really teach? When you get down to it, what it really talks about is sin being physical and emotional harm. How there are emotional, spiritual and physical consequences to our actions. All the rest? If you look at it carefully, every single thing the Bible defines as a sin would have caused harm in the time in which it was written. And we see change even from the Old Testament to the New. I don’t think God changed, I don’t think the nature of Sin did; I think that society and technology changed, and thus, what caused harm did.
And it’s still changing. I see no point in trying to live 2,000 years ago. The Bible is not about Fact; it’s about Truth. There’s a difference. Do I believe that the Earth is 6,000 years old? No. My faith is not so weak that I have to take that literally. Nor do I have to pull a plank out of my eye before getting a speck out of a friend’s. I have never tried to change the geology of a mountainous region with my faith.
What I can do is try to take responsibility for my actions. I can try to do no harm to others, and do as much good as possible. I can try to live a life that is about showing love to others in every way that I can, every chance that I can. And for that, I need no organized prayer in school. I need no religious tone to my learning process. In fact, I need no organized religion of any sort for that.
If churches took all the money spent denying evolution… And all the money spent trying to get religion “back” into the schools… And all the money spent trying to get “God back into our Government”… And just spent it helping those in need…. If the Christians transferred all the time and effort preaching about sin, and condemnation… And all the time telling people which denomination actually holds the truth… And all the time telling people what they should be doing in their private lives… And spent all that time making the world a cleaner, healthier place…
Then Christianity would transform the world, make a real and lasting change… and become a force so powerful that none could deny it. To me, that seems much more like something God cares about, rather than whether or not there’s a statue of the Ten Commandments in front of the Courthouse.
More on this topic later. But not today. |
|
|
| Back in the Saddle again. |
[Jan. 29th, 2006|06:49 am] |
Well, hi, everybody!
For those who didn't know, I was out of town for a few weeks. I was supposed to be gone for a couple of days, but then I got another gig, then another one...
I ended up playing in California for a week straight, at the Gold Country Casino. They loved me there, and I get to play there one week of each month. That should take care of my immediate bills.
After that gig, I flew back to Vegas, and then a few hours later flew out to Texas.
The Texas trip was a blast - I got to play for my old church, and then I got to jam with my Grandad - "Paw-Paw" (one of the world's best banjo players), my grandma - "Nana" and my step-dad Robbie, and my nephew Zachary. Family jam sessions are the most fun, I think.
The trip was a complete flop when it came to seeing exes... I was supposed to see Anna, and she ended up bailing on me. I was going on a date with Tina (not really an ex, but we did date), but I lost her number. I got ahold of Andrea, and she really didn't want to see me. Maggie (also not an ex, we did date once) had her kids to work around, and scheduling didn't work out there.
As it was, there were just too many people to see anyway... I didn't end up having the time to see Bob and June, or Jonathan and Michelle. I know too many damn Texans!
But it was great to see Katie, and Caleb, and my family, and my old church members (all the choir!)... I need to visit again soon.
I got back a week or two ago - haven't been working any, so I've become obsessed with recording. For some reason, I'm in a Country mood, and I've gotten about 4 songs ready to send to Jonathan, whose job it is to turn mediocrity into genius, for which I can then take credit.
Great to have talented friends.
Anyway, I'll quit neglecting my blog now. I'll keep it updated.
Whatdya mean, you've read that on here before?
Jess |
|
|
| Happy New Year! |
[Dec. 31st, 2005|05:03 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | grateful | ] |
Hey there - I'm going to be away from my computer for a few days... The year is ending great, and I have high hopes for next year.
Hope everybody has a happy (and safe) New Year's Eve, and I'll talk to you next year!
Jess |
|
|
| The Gym, Vox Day, Freedom and Voting, Women, and Race |
[Dec. 29th, 2005|10:15 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | thoughtful | ] |
Joined a gym yesterday. I was feeling pretty out of shape. Dude, I had no idea.
Pre-Katrina, I was running about three miles a day. If I wasn't in the best shape of my life, I wasn't far off. In the month following, I lost a ton of weight. I've slowly started gaining it back, but in my belly, not my chest and arms.
Hence the gym membership. I walked a quarter mile, bumped it up to a full run, made it one mile, and had to go back to walking. Talk about sad. On the other hand, it IS definitely incentive to try very hard to get back in shape.
I emailed Anna saying I was coming into town, and actually got a full-length email from her in response. Good thing I'm getting back into shape - the shock alone had to have put a strain on my heart.
I know, I exaggerate. It's only been a year (okay, 11 months) since I got a email from her that's more than a sentence or two saying she's too busy to write.
I've been reading the online Blog of a guy named Vox Day. He claims to be a Christian Libertarian. He's a very arrogant, self-centered misogynist. And very intelligent and logical, and even persuasive in many of his views. At the very least, it's entertaining to read. He did bring up an interesting point, though. He said any society that truly wants freedom cannot give women the right to vote, because historically speaking, women as a group have ALWAYS voted for security over freedom.
At first, I found this incredibly offensive; how can you obtain freedom by denying half the populace of their freedom? Then the more I thought about it, the more I realized that almost all of my female friends would back up his perception. Even the ones that claim to be Libertarian are more Socialist when you get down to specifics.
Then I pursued the thought further, to try to figure out where the contradiction was. And I think I might have found it. The right to vote has nothing to do with personal freedom. In a direct democracy, the vote is used to exert control of the masses over the individual - in other words, it's a way to specify where your freedoms will be limited.
We of course, do not live in a direct democracy; we live in a republic that uses a representational form of democracy. Our vote really means very little; we're given very few real choices in who will represent us, and even those are minimalized by the electoral college. Our only guarantee of freedom is the three-branch system (theoretically based on the Constitution) with its checks and balances that are supposed to limit the power that government has over us.
In my opinion, we're already far down the path from freedom to totalitarianism. Not there, still a ways to go, but a long way back up the path to get back to the republic originally envisioned. Regardless - our vote doesn't give us the ability to achieve our freedoms. It only would if we all agreed on being free. Our vote is in fact used to limit our freedoms.
So in this case, Vox was right. If our only purpose is freedom, we should deny women the right to vote. And Communists. And Socialists. And any Democrats and Republicans who actually believe their official party lines.
Alas, much as I wish American ideals were about freedom, they're not. And it's no more right to force freedom upon those who do not wish it than to deny freedom to those who long for it.
Of course, the other intriguing question is about the differences between men and women. We all know there are many, many differences. And I think we'll all acknowledge that some are genetic. The tough question is - which ones? Many of the things just assumed to be feminine a hundred years ago we'd consider absurd now. The swooning and fainting fits - not about being female after all, but about wearing corsets that mess up your blood circulation. IF you picked up an etiquette guide for women publish a hundred years ago - or even 50 - you'd be astounded and either horrified or amused at what they took for granted was the woman's role. And some things I was raised to believe were innate (maternal instinct, reliance on emotion rather than logic, female subservience) seem to be more a common guideline than a rule.
I read an article about women converting to Islam in mass numbers. Here's a quote:
"A lot of women are reacting to the moral uncertainties of Western society," says Dr. Jawad. "They like the sense of belonging and caring and sharing that Islam offers."
( http://news.yahoo.com/s/csm/20051227/wl_csm/oconverts;_ylt=AmN42mkO.pzh3kmMkHp0zX9n.3QA;_ylu=X3oDMTA4NTMzazIyBHNlYwMxNjk2 )
Of course, now there's the huge backlash, as women in some respects want to be treated exactly like men, and in others, not at all. And many men are sick and tired of the tap-dance that they have to do. And women are tired of men complaining about it. And men are tired of women bitching about their complaining.
My personal belief is that we're going to have to wait at least another five or ten generations to figure out what differences are truly innate, and which were cultural.
But in the meantime, there's a real simple solution to it all. It's one that seems obvious to me, but I seem to be alone in this thought process. Don't assume. Don't stereotype. Take each person, and judge them by what they do, not what kind of genitalia they have. If she's an emotional girl, don't expect her to be logical, and don't get mad when she's not. And if you're her boss, don't put her in a position where she'd have to be something she's not, no more than you would if she were a guy that relies on emotion rather than logic. If she's logical and analytical, don't condescend to her about her emotions.
If she's traditional, be chivalrous. If she's not, then don't be. If she wants to be a homemaker, judge her as a homemaker, not as a future CEO. And if she wants to be a CEO someday, judge her on her abilities, not on whether you think a woman should be in that position. In other words, figure out who she is before you try put her in a category.
I often hear girls talk about how much better the world would be if women ran it. Bullshit. The drive, ambition, and ruthlessness necessary to get to the top are the same regardless of gender. We will have a woman president someday. And she'll be just as terrible as the males ones we've had.
My first job, I worked for a lady named June Talley. She didn't run the business like a woman. She didn't run it like a man. She ran it like June Talley. She partnered up with a man named Bob Hurley. The aspects of it he ran weren't manly or girly - they were Bobly (sorry for doing that to your name, Bob!).
We used to have books and books published about the differences between black men and white men. Turns out almost all our conceptions were bunk. Black men can be quarterbacks. They're not more primitive in their thought processes. They're not inclined to servitude. They're not larger in their genitalia (look it up - the only studies that say they are say it's by one tenth of an inch). About the main differences I can see are that they clap on the backbeat (beats 2 and 4) where white guys clap on the downbeat (beats 1 and 3), they're better dancers than white guys (that's not saying much), and have slight advantages in boxing (thicker skin splits less, bleeds less).
But it took a long time to get there, and even after a hundred years, not everybody's convinced. And I've met black guys with no sense of rhythm. And interesting article I read quoted Morgan Freeman as saying "I am going to stop calling you a white man and I'm going to ask you to stop calling me a black man."
( http://apnews.excite.com/article/20051216/D8EH3HCO9.html )
Black, white, male, female... Labels, categories.
So are women from Venus and men from Mars? Who the hell cares? We're all here on Earth right now. And I don't want girls assuming that I'm going to think something just 'cause I'm a guy. I fit into many of the male stereotypes - but not all. I guarantee if you read a self-help book about how to relate to men, you're going to be confused as hell by me. So I'm going to repay the favor, and not try to fit any girls into stereotypes until I know for sure which ones are a good fit for her.
So that's my thoughts for this morning. What do you think? You can always email me, of course, but I also enabled the "comments section" on my blog, so feel free to blast me if you think I'm wrong.
Talk to you all later,
Jess |
|
|
| Merry Christmas, from the Grinch! |
[Dec. 25th, 2005|05:24 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | amused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Rachmaninoff Concerto No. 2 | ] |
Well, it’s Christmas time, and that means many, many things.
First of all, it’s a celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ, one of the most pivotal religious moments in human history (the Creation, the Exodus of the Jews, and the Death and Resurrection of Christ also being on the list. Possibly the 95 Theses of Martin Luther should rate a mention. Try as I might, though, the release of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” on DVD doesn’t quite rank up there). I’m not sure why nobody thinks it odd we celebrate what was almost certainly a springtime or summertime event at the winter solstice, but once a tradition starts, changing it is nigh on to impossible.
Most of the Christmas traditions are very meaningless to me. But the Christmas Hymns are very precious to me (most of them. The one about seeing three ships doesn’t do much for me. Nor the one about playing the oboe and bagpipes merrily. And the one about the little drummer boy – where exactly in the Bible does that come from, again?). I love “O Holy Night,” and “Good Christian Men Rejoice.” There are very few Christmas hymns that I haven’t arranged for choir at some point in my musical career. I’m not saying I arranged them well, or that I don’t have a special level in hell reserved waiting for me for what I did to those holy songs… But it was very enjoyable.
This is the second year I haven’t been involved with a church choir. I began singing Christmas music in the Youth Choir of the First Baptist Church of Pleasanton in my teenage years. Then I was church pianist at various churches, and then for a few years I was Choir Director of the First United Methodist Church of Pleasanton. During that time, I wrote my own cantatas. I still miss that. Months of preparation, writing, rehearsing… By December, it would always seem hopeless, but somehow, it always worked on the day of the cantata. And no nervous breakdown was ever necessary. Though it got close.
Christmas lights never really excited me. My mom would go nuts for them – she loved to go to places with a lot of them, and just drive up and down the streets. I know a lot of people like that, but again – nothing for me. They’re just lights. I’m thinking “You want lights? I live in Vegas, baby! I’ll show you lights!” Not that anyone ever asks me whether I want lights. But if they did, I’ve got an answer! I do like candlelight, but for some reason, people don’t put candles all over their houses and trees.
I’m not much for the gift giving. I think there are two reasons for this. First of all, I think I’m a hard person to shop for. Most of the time, I either get gift certificates, or a present that I smile, nod, thank them for, and think “What in the hell am I going to do with this?” Also, I’m not good at shopping for other people. Most of the stuff that I know people want, I know they want it because either they bought it already, or because they’ve told me they want it but can’t afford it. And if they can’t afford it, I probably can’t, either. (Yeah, the truth comes out – I’m a cheap bastard! What do you mean, “tell me something I don’t already know…”?) This year, I was going to buy everybody box sets of “Firefly” and “Serenity.” Not because they wanted it, just because I think everybody should see it. But then, being rather broke precludes that. Much to the delight of the people I was going to foist said DVDs upon, I imagine.
I hate most of the secular holiday music. It’s not that they’re bad songs (though most of them are), it’s that they’re played over and over and over and over again for a solid month. Even beautiful ones like “The Christmas Song (Chestnuts roasting on an open fire)” and “I’ll be Home for Christmas” lose their sentimental meaning after the millionth time hearing the Muzak rendition.
I hate the crowds. Shopping for food (which is the only type of shopping I can stand to do during this month) is a pain. Everybody is in a bad mood, people are inexcusably rude (and then they’ll mutter “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Holidays” like it’s a curse), the lines are terrible, there’s no parking… Not fun at all. If they were all naked, it might be more interesting. Not necessarily more appealing, considering who does most of the shopping. But I imagine it’d be a lot less rude. And I’d take a lot more girls Christmas shopping, too.
I did love the family getting together (different topic – nothing to do with nudity – not an Arkansas family). I loved the meals. To me, there’s something very social about eating together. If I ever have a family, we’re going to eat supper together (prepared by my master Chef, Andre. Hey, when I dream, I dream big!). It’s a very bonding experience, and I think the few people who grew up with that tradition will agree. And having the extended family over at my Grandma’s, all eating, joking, laughing, snarking… I’d play on her piano, the kids would play video games. It made the Holidays a very warm and fuzzy time.
Perhaps the warmth and fuzziness is why I hate this season so much. The original meaning, the celebration of the birth of Christ… A very dim thing, lost in the madness. Instead, it’s about a frenzied mass of buying. It’s about strange traditions, songs and tales, involving fat men in chimneys and reindeer with phosphorescent noses. And most of all, it’s a time to repeat over and over again how great it is to be with your family, and with your loved ones, and to be with the one you love… Everywhere, over and over, that’s the message.
I don’t get to be with my family this Christmas. I didn’t get to be with them last one, either. I don’t know if I’ll get to be with them next one. Even if I wasn’t living in another state, we don’t have a big get-together since my Grandma passed away. I could go visit my mom in Texas, my dad in Missouri, my brother in Colorado… That’s if I could get off of work, which isn’t always possible.
And I’m okay with this. What sucks is the non-stop barrage of people asking “well, you’ll be with your family at Christmas, right?” or “You DO have somebody special to spend Christmas with, right?” And these questions are always accompanied with pitying looks when I respond in the negative. Why am I supposed to miss them more now than the rest of the year? What makes this a more special time to feel warm and fuzzy? I don’t get it.
I wouldn’t mind having someone to go the candlelight Christmas Eve service at church. I’d love to go caroling with family. But other than that, it just feels like any other time of the year, except that I’m surrounded by grouchy and rapidly-going-into-debt people who look upon me with pity because I’m doing what they do.
So, I guess…
Merry Christmas, from the Grinch! |
|
|
| Well, it's a marvelous night for a Moondance... |
[Dec. 13th, 2005|03:59 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Dvorak Symphony No. 9, "From the New World" | ] |
Well, my friend Mark is here in Vegas. It's been cool hanging out, working on music and such. And as usual when two guys get together, we talk about chicks.
Now, in New Orleans, I had a reputation as a ladies man. Somewhat deserved, though I don't think as much so as everybody else seemed to believe. But I wasn't about to complain when people assume I'm more suave and attractive to the opposite sex than I actually am.
Here in Vegas, it's been the opposite extreme. I have hardly dated at all since I've been here. (Though somehow, they all still think I'm a ladies man, despite the total lack of dating) It's just the wrong environment for casual dating, and I'm not into relationships. At least, that's my surface excuse. And the nice thing about being shallow is that usually, the surface is all you need.
But in talking to Mark, I realized that I'm just as much into trying a relationship as I ever was, maybe even more so as I'm getting (sadly) older.
The only problem is that I meet fewer and fewer girls that I really want to spend all my time with. When I was a teenager, I had a new crush on a different girl every month, it seemed. When I was in college, I fell for a soprano, who promptly fell in love with somebody who wasn't me. I dated after that, but didn't really fall for anybody else. After graduation, there were a string of interesting dating opportunities, but the key word there is interesting. And the several years of living in Pleasanton, TX, population 47.4 (and I'm related to 42.1 of those), well, it didn't improve things much. The most enticing and alluring girl I ever dated in Pleasanton was actually a former student of mine. Gorgeous, smart, funny, musical... And thoroughly in love with someone else. Yeah, it happened again (but this one was an alto, not a soprano! See, I learn from my mistakes). Then there was a girl that was actually single, and brilliant (debating politics and philosophy with her was awesome; I lost a lot!), and beautiful. But alas, the roving life of a musician was not that sexy to her. And I'm not about to work a 9-to-5.
And then I moved to New Orleans. And there was the whole Anna fiasco (I got a one-sentence IM from her online a week ago! Yay! What? What do you mean, I'm pathetic???). And after Anna, it was just meet a girl a Pat O's, go on a date, she'd fly away home, meet a girl a Pat O's, go on a date, she'd fly away home, meet a girl a Pat O's, go on a date, she'd fly away home.... I know, a tough, tough life. If you only knew how I suffered... (What? What do you mean, I'm still pathetic???)
I did meet a cool girl online, but as such things go, I've only met her in real life once, and it was when she was on the edge of a nervous breakdown. Not the best time to start something.
It's a lot less lonely when you can have female company anytime you want. But that's not quite the case in Vegas (unless you count hookers, which I try not to). And it kind of drives things home to you. My sister once told me it must be easier for me, because I've never needed to be in a relationship. And I've wondered whether that's true. I've never wanted to be in a relationship built on false premises. Which means that I've never really been in a relationship. I'd say all relationships are built on bullshit, but there are a couple that seem to be healthy (almost Rockwellian - it kinda makes me want to watch them on webcam, just to see if any couple can actually be THAT good for each other!). My brother's. My cousin's. Wesley Wyndham Price and Winifred Burkle (what? What do you mean, I'm really, really pathetic???).
One of the greatest dangers facing the world is overpopulation. When I take over, I'm installing a "bullshit detector" into the reproductive system of every man, woman, and child. Any time a guy tells a lie or manipulates a girl's feelings just to get laid, he'll go limp. And every time a girl tells a lie or tries to manipulate a guy, she'll get an electric shock that makes all her parts go numb (limp doesn't quite work, or dry, or anything else I could think of).
And on top of that, anytime one person in a relationship puts the other through stupid, juvenile, unnecessary bullshit, than they'll lose the capacity to reproduce for one month.
Now, I realize, the economies of the world would collapse, as in one generation we'd be down to about 50 people or so having kids (I know, I'm an optimist).
But it would be good for the planet!
I would love to find a girl that puts me through no B.S. That would call me down whenever I tried to put her through some. Who would be interested in life, and learning, and experiencing, and growing. Who would want to go on a cruise and go scuba diving. And go to the Rockies and go skiing. And go to Australia for a WalkAbout. And go on a bicycle trip through Europe with me. And when we're not doing that, watch a movie on the couch with me. Or go to the art galleries and museums and historical sites with me. A girl who loves romance, but sees reality, too. Who loves to read, and not just frickin' "Harry Potter." Who would dance with me as I take lessons. Who would prefer roses and music to getting presents. Who would give me backrubs as often as I give them. Who would cook dinner with me sometimes.
And a nice ass is a plus, too.
Damn. I hope my sister's right. I think I'm going to be alone a long, long time.
Jess |
|
|
| Smallville, oh Smallville |
[Dec. 6th, 2005|07:59 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
I got my DVD player on my computer working (I don't currently have a TV), so I've been watching the last season of "Alias" and "Smallville."
In many ways, "Alias" feels like it jumped the shark a while back. Vaughn and Sid are the exact same people they were in the first season, facing pretty much the exact same problems in the same ways... The more things change, the less they (the characters) do. Very boring, really. Of a moderate interest are the father figures, who become more and more ambiguous as the seasons go by. Personally, though, I'd watch it just for the characters of Weiss and Flinkman. I think they should get their own spin-off.
Hey, it'd be better than "Joey"!
Then I caught up on "Smallville." Sadly, they didn't kill off Lana Lang. They brought in Lois Lane, who was an incredibly annoying character. But then, I found her equally annoying in the comics and in the movies, so I can't really blame the actress or writers. The only problem with the casting was that she was a really hot looking girl who appears to be in her mid to late 20s, playing an 18 year old. Then again, none of the "high school" characters on "Smallville" look like they could still be in high school without having flunked many, many grades.
However, they are in Kansas, so... Maybe they told their teacher they believed in Evolution, so they got held back.
I'm still waiting for Lex and Clark to come out of the closet. They spend more time gazing into each other's eyes than they do looking at girls. And Clark has so many chicks throwing themselves at him in the fourth season, but doesn't "give in" to any of them. Even after he gets married.
Yeah, he's a fudge-packer.
He does datea hottie who's not annoying. So they kill her off immediately, just like they did that indian (sorry - Native American) chick awhile back. Yet Lana Lang stays alive, damnit!
They need Joss Whedon to write for awhile. Yeah, he'd still kill off any happy couples, but it'd be more interesting watching them before they die.
I wish they'd use the soundtrack or themes from the original movie more. Man, that was a great movie score.
I'm curious about the upcoming Superman movie. I hope it doesn't suck. I thought "Batman Begins" was pretty good, but nowhere near as good as the 1989 Tim Burton "Batman." I think I'm the only person in North America who has that opinion, though.
And I hate "Harry Potter," and thought "Titanic" sucked! So, hah!
Anyway, I just thought I'd post, 'cause it's been awhile.
Talk to you later,
Jess
P.S. Here are some various articles I found of interest in the last couple of weeks.
http://home.hamptonroads.com/stories/story.cfm?story=95320&ran=219401
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/11/05/AR2005110501366.html
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20051121/wl_nm/ireland_robinson_dc;_ylt=AhVmuUWQPvI1U_hT6F0bHIhbbBAF;_ylu=X3oDMTA4NTMzazIyBHNlYwMxNjk2
http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/story/0,3605,1651335,00.html |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
jessmills's journal
quixotic